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Category Archives: paranoid douchebaggery

Stand Your Ground? No. Kiss My Ass!

27 Mar

Quite possibly the dumbest law ever put on the books in recent times. No, I don’t give a shit about a law in Mudlick, Kentucky that forbids dog walking on Saturday’s after 3pm while free balling in your overalls. I’m talking about real, enforced laws. Like the “Stand Your Ground” Law. This has got to take the cake. Shithead Alert sounds every time I think of this law. Talk about a slippery slope. Seems people who own guns only see the slippery slope when it comes to guys sucking other dude’s dicks and sick people getting health care. Other than that…it is free game. Oh, I forgot, don’t dare regulate anything having to do with guns either. In their world you should only be free to own huge guns to make up for the fact that they want to suck their best friend Tom’s cock and drive their pick up truck into the sunset to get married….but don’t pass a law that would allow that to happen. Like they say, “If you keep saying, being gay is a choice. That means that you’ve thought about it.”

And the Smallest Penis Award goes to...............

This law can do no good. Now me, I have a hard time trusting Pirates. Every Pirate movie I have seen, they have been pretty much dicks. Even Johnny Depp was a dick in that Disney piece of shit movie. Charming. But a dishonest dick none the less. Does that mean I can go around shooting all Pirates. Seriously. I may not see them on Pirate Ships, but I do see tons of Pirates on the street. With their beards and bad hygiene. I feel threatened by them. Can I shoot them if I see one? That is ridiculous huh? You aint seen nothing yet. What about Tyra Banks? She is deathly afraid of dolphins. Does that mean she can just open fire on Flipper? Or Dan Marino for that matter?

What if Justin Beiber were in Florida. He decides to go to the mall. Girls spot him. Some dudes too. Dudes who more than likely own some big guns. They all let out a high pitch scream and rush towards him. Would he be justified if he pulled out a gun and started firing at them? In this instance, I would say yes. The world is a better place without them. Clearly I’m kidding about all these scenarios. Still doesn’t change the fact that the law is fucked up. Still doesn’t bring back Trayvon. Or the other people that have been killed in the name of this law.

He is... in no way, scarier than a pirate. A dolphin. Or a Justin Beiber fan. This we can agree on. Poor kid. Gone. And why? So gun lobbyists could make more money and NRA could wrap up more votes for the GOP. That is why FOX News has but ignored this story.

In closing, I’m sure we all agree that Geraldo is a douche. His comments were way out of line. Blaming the clothes that Trayvon was wearing on him getting shot is low. Yes Geraldo. I am so sure Trayvon would have been alive today if not for that hoody. I wager that Mr. Zimmerman would have shot and killed Wayne Brady that night. Wayne Brady wearing a Nickelback shirt and playing Angry Birds on his iPhone while singing a Hank Williams Jr song , and drinking a PBR! But hey, clothes make people do weird things. Like rape people according to Bill Oreilly.

 

Why didn’t Geraldo come out and say that Brandon White was only beaten because he was wearing “skinny jeans?” Just watch the clip.

 

To say that wearing “certain clothes” is why someone gets attacked  is just unreal to me. Who the hell says that? Especially today. That is the shit that Sam’s grandparents would say in “SIxteen Candles.” How the fuck can you be so out of touch to say that. When people say that kind of stuff…here is what I hear. ‘I have no problems with niggers. Just don’t dress so niggery” Or “I have no problem with fags. Just don’t be so faggy around me.” That is what I hear. But my shithead detector has always been top notch.

 

Hey Geraldo? If you get gay bashed after the show....is your clothes to blame? Or something like that...

 

I never did trust or like Geraldo. That is odd though. He doesn’t look like a Pirate. Maybe I just get creeped out by people who look like the love child of Frank Stallone and Ron Jeremy. He is very threatening. That moustache just screams, predator! So does Geraldo live in Florida?

 

By the way, Iraq and AFghanistan’s “Stand Your Ground” Law. How do you guys feel about that? After all. Invasions are kind of threatening. Just a tad. Now assault rifles pale in comparison as far as intimidation goes to Skittles and Arizon Iced Tea. But still!

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2012 in afghanistan, crap4face opinion/fact piece, food4brain, Fox News, gay, health care, Iraq, paranoid douchebaggery, racism, terrorist, war

 

crap4face’s food4brain: GOP to Ban PORN?

14 Feb

 

The top candidates currently running for President have vowed to ban pornography? When I first heard of this story, I swore it had to be a piece for The Onion. How wrong was I? GOP vow to ban PORN

 

I just laugh and make jokes when I think of how ridiculous it is. How ridiculous it is to even bother with trying to ban pornography. What will happen if they actually do? Will my “vintage” porn collection on VHS be the new Beanie Babies? What will the penalties be for being caught with porn? Will it go underground? Will porn stars be shuttled from one “underground” porn set to the next? Does Harriet Tugmen set up an Underground Ramrod to smuggle the porn stars? Will porn be distributed in a “Speak Easy” style parlor? A Moan Easy? When President Obama was sworn in, we saw record sales of bullets because of the rumor that Obama was going to make the gun laws more strict. Will this mean the GOP ban on porn rumors incite a mad dash for Magic Bullets? Who knows?

What I’m so curious about is this: Who can justify doing this? Throw religion out. Since it should be. What could be the justification for banning pornography? The GOP, the same people who will not take actions to stop global warming… a dilemma that will destroy the entire world’s population…wants to ban porn? Really? See why I refuse to take politics seriously?

 

 

The Magic Bullet. Will this "ammunition" fy off the shelf as well?

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2012 in crap4face opinion/fact piece, food4brain, paranoid douchebaggery, politics

 

Federal Dollars and Religion

09 Feb

With this recent  ”outrage” by the Catholic Church and GOP over the HHS Mandate, I thought we would look deeper into federal dollars being spent on religion.

 

I just don’t get it. I don’t get the outrage. These religious organizations get federal money. So why should they be exempt from following federal laws? Maybe we should just take the whole Faith Based Initiative away? Talk about blurring the line between state and church! Faith Based Initiative Info HERE

Do you think it would be okay for these businesses to not hire someone because they are gay? Would it be okay to not hire someone because they are divorced? How about not hiring someone because they are not a Christian. Not a Muslim? Because wouldn’t that also violate the churches beliefs? Its principles?

Why is it okay for Christians/Catholics to have their own “Sharia Law” yet warn us of Sharia coming from those spooky MOOOOOOZLIMS all the time. I think my boy Dean Obeidallah laid it out pretty nicely HERE.

I mean, I can’t take the uproar from the GOP seriously. This is the group of people that trumpeted, over 46% of the people in America pay no Federal taxes and they can’t complain about a system until they pay into it. Their favorite talking point is, “They need to have some skin in the game!” So why do churches pay absolutely ZERO POINT ZERO in taxes, yet seem to have the loudest voice and be virtually untouchable? Is it time for Churches to have a litttle skin in the game too?

I don’t know. I’m asking you, the readers. Email me at crap4facepolitics@gmail.com and give me your most concise reasons and I will put them up on the site.

 

In the meantime, enjoy Dick Morris being “OUTRAGED” over Federal dollars possibly going to a mosque being built next to a strip club, near Ground Zero:

 

Also take time to watch your Federal dollars at work. Churches handing out food to the 47% the GOP so loathes. The poor, the elderly, the handicapped. All these lucky recipients of “free money” have to do is sit through a sermon or three. Talk about stepping all over freedom of religion!

 

Remember, email me your reasons churches are tax exempt and why they should be. Not shouldn’t. But why they should be. I will put them up on the site tonight.  crap4facepolitics@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on February 9, 2012 in corporate welfare, crap4face opinion/fact piece, paranoid douchebaggery, religion

 

Blowback Explained in Less Than 4 Minutes

13 Jan

As I hear talk about the threat of Iran, I can’t help but think back to the words of the late Chalmers Johnson.

It amazes me that people will jump up and down when the government tries to regulate pollution, food, etc, and state it will cost us too much and we have to think of better options. Then the government tells us that Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc are a threat, and those same doubters will agree whole heartedly with the government.

Would love to hear the defense for this.

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2012 in afghanistan, crap4face opinion/fact piece, foriegn policy, paranoid douchebaggery

 

Howard Stern Dropping Knowledge About Gay Marriage

26 Sep

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2011 in gay, Howard Stern, paranoid douchebaggery

 

Capitalism is a Ponzi Scheme

13 Sep

 With all this talk of Social Security being a Ponzi Scheme, I’m surprised someone didn’t point out the biggest Ponzi scheme we have: Capitalism!

First let us look at what a Ponzi Scheme actually is. This is the definition from Wikipedia:

A Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investment operation that pays returns to separate investors, not from any actual profit earned by the organization, but from their own money or money paid by subsequent investors. The Ponzi scheme usually entices new investors by offering returns other investments cannot guarantee, in the form of short-term returns that are either abnormally high or unusually consistent. The perpetuation of the returns that a Ponzi scheme advertises and pays requires an ever-increasing flow of money from investors to keep the scheme going.

 So I will say again, “Capitalism is a Ponzi scheme.” We all see it. We just never say anything about it. How many of us have put in years at a company, maybe side-stepped raise for more time off, better health care, 401k? Years of working your way up the ladder only to see yourself get let go? You get laid off in some cost cutting measure. Wages were frozen. An employee was duped into thinking his health coverage and benefits would be far more valuable than his wages.

 

 That is the way capitalism works. You get hired. You make some money. The company forces you to work more hours and no raise in sight. Hours increase. Pay goes stagnant. More work. Less money. Now lets say the company makes some bad investments. What would they do to offset the losses? That is right. Lay off time! Now the company lays some off, decreases wages on the remaining. Short term the company is doing better. On the books everything seems fine. But now the companies all around you have done the same. So now nobody has money to buy your products and goods?

See a pattern here? It can not sustain itself. The very core of capitalism is, profits over people. No two ways about it. Want more proof it is a Ponzi scheme? That capitalism is a Ponzi scheme? Have everyone demand their money now. Their investments now. All stocks cashed out. 401ks. Vacation days. Holidays.Pull all your cash from the banks. Take it all. Demand it all. Then look around at the millions who would have nothing to show for their investment in capitalism.

 

 So please spare me the rhetoric about the social security talk as being some kind of “adult conversation” or “tackling the tough problems.” Give it a rest. Until you fix capitalism, how about you leave Social Security and Medicare alone.They are fine. But you know what is not? Capitalism. So what do they want with Social Security and Medicare? I think Wall Street can fill you in on that.

 Just in case you want to see something that will make you want to walk into traffic. Just click on this LINK HERE 

 

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2011 in crap4face opinion/fact piece, paranoid douchebaggery

 

crap4face’s food4brain: GOP Is Now A Cult?

30 Aug

 If you belong to a political party who does not believe science and ignores logic….this group can not be called a political party. It is called a cult. It is that simple. When this group believes earth quakes and hurricanes happen because of gay people getting the right to marry or because of over spending….you are a cult. When this group is faced with facts and they tell you it is all lies….you are a cult. Period. End of story.

 Here is Michelle Bachman blaming the recent events on Washington’s spending. She now says it was just a joke. I’d say a joke in poor taste. I should know. I’m the king of poor taste. Here is that very clip BACHMAN CLIP

That joke. If it is in fact a joke, is ver reminiscent of George W. Bush joking about not finding WMDs. I mean, what the fuck people? Lives were lost. Families torn apart and this man has the balls to joke about it? BUSH JOKING ABOUT NO WMDS

Saying God brought forth an earth quake and a hurricane to punish Washington for overspending, it defies logic on so many fronts. How is that punishment? You are going to punish Washington by forcing them to spend money, billions on clean up and rebuilding? Really? Really? That is like saying The Bravo network is God punishing the gays. Give me a fucking break.

 Now this stuff isn’t new. The pinning of natural disasters on people or actions is old news. The religious right has been doing it for years. Who can forget Pat Robertson blaming Katrina on the gays? PAT ROBERTSON KATRINA CLIP

 So it is not too late people. It is not too late to break away from the cult that is this GOP! If Rerun from What’s Happening could break away from a cult, you can too!REREUN HILARIOUSNESS CULT EPISODE

 
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Posted by on August 30, 2011 in crap4face opinion/fact piece, food4brain, paranoid douchebaggery

 

crap4face’s food4brain: Troop Withdrawal; McCain Ramblings; Huntsman Announces; Casey Anthony

21 Jun

President Obama to make an announcement about withdrawing troops from Afghanistan this Wednesday. Rumor has it the number is ten thousand troops. Do you want to know the difference between a liberal progressive and a conservative? When a conservative saw that ten thousand number he likely said, “Great. Ten thousand more people to add to the unemployment numbers! Where are these people going to work?” A liberal progressive would have surely said, “Why only ten thousand? Bring them all home!”

"I'm not amused crap4face"

 BREAKING: John McCain reports that the recent tornadoes across the country were caused by “those damn wetback’s leaf blowers and weed wackers!” Then he slapped a gay soldier and curb stomped the kid playing on his lawn.

"My penis is smaller than this...am I on the air?"

 

John Huntsman speech reportedly has these words, “I respect the President.” If Rush thought Mitt Romney’s campaign was over after he admitted to believing in science, I can’t wait to hear what Rumple Titskin Limbaugh has to say about this.

After hearing Huntsman and other GOP candidates announce their Presidential aspirations. One just as boring as the others. I think I have a remedy for what ails the candidates to make their announcements more exciting. These press conferences need one thing: Benjy Bronk!

 

Right wing policies that fail, people die. Left wing policies that fail, do so because right wing policies stole the funding.

The Dark Crystal

 

Casey Anthony looks like something from The Dark Crystal. If anything was getting in the way of your social life it wasn’t your daughter. It was those elf fucking ears. Next time duct tape them, stick a heart sticker to it, and slam your head in the trunk over and over again until your worries drift away. Why are you on my TV?

Be sure to follow me on
twitter @crap4face E mail questions, comments and bookings to crap4facepolitics@gmail.com

 

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2011 in afghanistan, food4brain, paranoid douchebaggery

 

crap4face’s food4brain: Fires By Aliens; No God In Pledge; Stewart Douches Fox Again & More

20 Jun

 John McCain made a very hilarious statement….again. Mr. McCain claims that the Arizona wildfires were caused by illegal aliens. HERE  How long until Weird Al does a parody of “We Didn’t Start The Fire”  Maybe team him up with “Mr. Born In East L.A.” Cheech Marin for a duet. I smell a Grammy. She must have pooped in her depends again. 

 I am also hearing that NBC didn’t have the word “God” in the Pledge of Allegiance? People are mad at this? Why? All they did was play the original. Why is this a problem? You clowns do understand that the word “God” was never in the Pledge of Allegiance, right? It wasn’t until 1953 when the Knights of Columbus petitioned the government to add it. So get over it people. If that still upsets you, you’re going to love this: Fuck God. It was around Father’s Day anyway. I can’t think of a bigger deadbeat dad than him.

Uh oh! No God. Time to boycott the original Pledge!

 Jon Stewart went on Fox News again. Jon Stewart spoke the truth again. Fox News distorted the truth again. And repeat. That is the trend here. I for one would love to see Beck, Hannity, Rush, Levin or any right wingers show up on The Daily Show. I know Bill O’Reilly has a couple times. Would love to see the others. Well here is Stewart and Wallace from Sunday. Enjoy!

Stewart On Fox News w/ Chris Wallace

Gay marriage in New York seems possible now. With all this talk about marriage, I can’t help but think of that study. The study that shows most divorces are over money issues. How can that be? If that is the case, why do all these wealthy people get divorced every other week. It can’t be over money. There has to be a valid reason! Oh, right! It just proves my old saying, “Most rich people are complete assholes.”

Chris Christie the other day, snapped at a woman asking a very valid question. She pretty much wanted to know why someone who sends his kids to private schools should be in on decisions about funding public schools. Very good point. Kind of like when all the right wingers and Tea Party guys were saying that congress shouldn’t be able to make decisions on health care unless they are forced to have the same plan. I never heard any of them answer the question the way Chris Christie did. His answer was “It is none of your business” I beg to differ Chub Rock. We pay your salary, it is very much “our business.”

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2011 in food4brain, paranoid douchebaggery, racism, religion, teachers, Unions

 

David Tyree’s Anti-Gay Ramblings

17 Jun

David Tyree and his famous catch. I'm not one to gossip, but this photo looks like football may lead to "anarchy" if you know what I mean.

 I heard this interview from David Tyree (retired N.Y. Giants reciever) and I thought it was a piece from the Onion. Turns out it was from The National Organization For Marriage. Which means it is just as funny, but scary at the same time. Scary because people really feel this way.

 I want to first smack down The National Organization For Marriage first. That name alone sends up the red flag that this site is not what it seems. Sites like this are the main reason my site is named crap4face politics. I grow tired of all the bullshit “rah rah rah” sites. The Americans For Prosperity, The Heritage Foundations, The American Cross Roads, etc etc etc. So getting back to the site National Organization For Marriage. Odds are, if you have a section called “Marriage Talking Points” that is in place so one does not come off as a bigot….odds are, you are a bigot. I am not kidding either. The site actually has a section entitled “Marriage Talking Points” Check it out HERE. 

Clearly this man is the polar opposite of gay.

 Now for Mr. Tyree. His ramblings can only be described as such. He clearly reads the talking points. He clearly reads what others perceive as the “gospel” about marriage. I just do not see any harm in two adults, who love each other, getting married. I find his thoughts rather disturbing. How can he say, “gay marriage will lead to anarchy?”  Did interracial marriage lead to anarchy? Did women in the work force lead to anarchy? Did desegretion lead to anarchy? I would say the definitive answer is, NO! Looking back now at those hurdles, most shake their head in disbelief that their was any contoversy to begin with. I am curious if those laws would have been passed if places like The National Organization For Marriage were around back then. The irony for David Tyree.

Here is the late Reggie white and his wife Sara. Interracial marriage. Would they have been considered anarchists as well?

 
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Posted by on June 17, 2011 in crap4face opinion/fact piece, gay, paranoid douchebaggery

 
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